Knowing You

Lord, thank you for stirring something in my heart that yearns to know you deeply. This year has been a blessing, you've protected, grown and healed me in many ways. As I look ahead into the future, search my heart for anything that is not of you. I understand from your word that marriage is not our reason for being here, there is a greater work taking place that I've not desperately sought to hear from you. Just as I want to surrender my life again to you, I am stopped by the fear of having to do or lose something I don't want to.

I fear that I've fallen in love a little too much with the world yet I find peace in your presence. I'm never going to be ready for my purpose here on earth but I trust you and I believe that you're doing something in me. I am here to obey and follow you Lord because my way makes sense to the world but it is slowly losing its power over me. I want to consistently seek you even when I don't feel like it and I want my relationship with her to grow beyond the altar. 

1 Goal A Day

After an unproductive week, I decided to take control of the 'spiral south' my life was heading towards, by setting myself a goal each day and of course ultimately, make myself feel better. I started with the simplest of goals; score a goal for my social club over the weekend, check. Next, edit photos from a recent holiday, check. Publish Wags'ed latest video on social media, check. All be it simple, what followed was a week of proud accomplishments for goals I had set. I realised that by setting a goal every day, I held myself accountable by the end of it. And as much as I love binge eating through Netflix, it never is quite the same without putting in a good shift of 'good-old' hard work to greater enhance the experience on the coach. Finish writing latest blog post, check. 

A GOAL in Stadium Merdeka

I never thought that playing in Stadium Merdeka would have felt so special. However as our coach reminded us of the history that stood beneath our feet, a feeling of awe and privilege flooded my body. Lining up against a good footballing side, I was confident I would have a positive impact on the game. However, after an early burst into the opponents half that should have been buried by my teammate, I played more wayward balls, than accurate ones. Despite it being a friendly game of three half's, the game was played at an intense pace and aggression. The end of the first first half approached and was I glad. Nicely poised at nil-nil, my coached subbed me off. It was the right call as I was not providing an outlet for the team. The second half commenced and I realised that I had to take off by Grab for an outdoor work shoot. I told my coach, and to my surprise he told me to go on for a few minutes before I left. It was great time to come on as we just took the lead through a neat finish by our young striker. I remember my teammates not being to happy to see me come on after my first half performance but I shrugged it off and tried to have an impact on the game. Playing on the left, the ball was on the right side of midfield when I came infield in the hope of getting on the end of a cutback only to have the defender intercept the ball. However, he loss the ball and some how trickled its way to my path. I took one touch to get it out of my feet and took a snap shot from the edge of the box. I was on the ground and saw the ball nestle in the far corner. GOAL! I went on to celebrate with my teammates and thanked my coach on the sidelines for his continued belief in my ability. Boosted by the goal, I went on the end the half on a high with some brilliant inter-play and runs down the left flank. We went on to win the 3-2 and I would go on to cherish that moment for the rest of my life. 

Ipoh

Every time I go back to my hometown, I realise how much of a visitor I really am. Never once at home, my hometown has always been estranged to me. Having lived there for the first 4 years of my life, I wish it would feel more of a home to me than it does. Having said that, as I increase the frequency of my visits, it is starting to feel more familiar, and with familiarity comes comfort. The sight of the huge brown mountains that make up this quiet yet beautiful city, used to signify everything I was afraid of facing. But today, it brings a smile to my face as I know draw solace from the knowledge that Ipoh will always be the place that I'm from.

The Mirror

He opened his bag as the people of the village stood in excitement. He took our the mirror that was wrapped in a woolen cloth and placed it on the podium. The people of village started to adjust their hair and look at each other in excitement. Kabi shouts out loudly, 'Long have we waited to see our face, long have yearned to appreciate our features. Today, the wait is over' He unwraps the woolen cloth on the giant mirror and turns to the his village men and women. They shout and cheer in excitement as Kabi raises his hands and wears a beaming smile. As the celebrations continue, a woman from the crowd of people walks up to the mirror with her simply in awe of its beauty as she draws closer. The village people start to notice her and the celebration slows down. Looking at herself for the first time, she sheds a tear in joy and places her left hand on her own reflection only to see the mirror break into a million pieces.

Persuaded

"Come la Deyh, for a while only", some persuasive techniques are so ingrained in our method of speech that it's almost impossible to refuse. Then again, how much of it is actually persuasion? The joy of making someone happy through words or actions is a kind of satisfaction that uplifts one's spirit, continuing to prove that most good deeds are, in fact, selfish. However, there is a limit to how much one can give in to another's persuasion without losing their sense of right in the process. Given that ultimately the choice lies with the one being 'persuaded', the 'persuader' is like a cancer; you don't know it's 'killing' you until it's too late. But unlike cancer, one has a choice when it comes to allowing this malevolent compulsion breed in one's subconscious. Subtly self-destructive, the 'persuaded' is left victimized all in the while thinking he or she has no real choice. Far from the truth, as the 'persuader' only opens the door in his or hers act of 'persuasion', leaving the one being persuaded psychologically coaxed into walking through, not because they want to, but because it would be harder to refuse. So if you find yourself saying yes to doing things you would rather not do, be mindful that only you can turn it around by putting your foot down.

Doing nothing is not always a bad thing

Eating, sleeping and eating again can be quite addictive and blissful, however, it is somehow rather considered boring, unproductive and to some, a luxury. Just eating with no real exertion has the ability to transform happiness into a coma of sadness. Sleep, oh sleep... how I love the way you lie. When overdone, the peaceful serenity we require every day can easily become a state of destruction. Suddenly, not only will we find ourselves even more tired than before we slept, but also weakened by sleep's deception. How is doing nothing but bingeing all day anything but bad for one? Well, like all things, if moderation is achieved, everything bodes well. 'Doing nothing', has freedom attached to it and therefore being allowed to practice it, is exhilarating. Simple as it may sound, none of us really get to do what we want, when we want, as our commitments and responsibilities take up most of our time in a day. But by indulging in this act of freedom, we fuel ourselves both mentally and physically to go through the dreary routine of everyday life.